sitting.waiting.wishing.

dear God,

im sitting in my bed talking to my good friend Mary. yeah, you know, the amazing one who You sent to be a missionary in Africa. thanks for blessing us with the technology to be able to keep in touch so well. you knew we'd need each other....

but back to my first line-im still sitting here....i feel paralyzed. everything seems a little hazy. time is flying by...or im just moving in slow motion. either way, this is such a bizarre feeling...
it's cold in my room, my blinds are open and i can see the sunshine outside. it looks delightful. but for some reason i cant get myself from here to there. it seems like by the time im ready, the sun has set and it's dark again.

(im not sure what in the world im saying, i know this doesnt make sense, but i dont really care, i felt like writing to You and so im trying)

so basically what im trying to say God is i need your help finding my way out of this fog. nothing is concrete right now. i could go in any direction and i have no idea which one You want me to go in...at this point im not even sure what my options are. i feel like there arent any that seem right. once again, haze.

the title of this post is obviously "sitting.waiting.wishing" that's what ive been doing....literally. lol. and i know it's time to "stand up.take action.make decisions" HOW CAN I DO THAT WHEN I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO EVEN BEGIN!? i dont wanna make the same mistake i made at the beginning of this semester. i knew i wasnt supposed to be at lsu but id missed the deadlines for everywhere else and i didnt wanna sit out so i just applied even though it was literally the last thing i wanted to do...and i didnt finish the semester. although You did amazing things this semester and taught me so much...i dont wanna just make a decision i know isnt right for what's next simply b/c im out of time and options. what.to.do.

just told my friend mary (we were talking about schools and learning, etc) "if we went to a good school and were actually learning it would be awesome. i cant just get by. that's not me. im all in or all out. lsu=all out." lol. it's so true! i learned this about myself early on...when i go for something i really go for it. with track.........it was my life! i loved it, trained...put everything into it. but once it was over, it was over. all in or all out. if i cant give 100% i dont wanna give any.
 i dont like wasting time. and i cant help but feel like that's what im doing...but am i? our society puts so much pressure on us (and i put a lot on myself, although i dont always show it)  life is moving too fast. i think we all need to slow down and breathe and check our priorities-and put You first. for real though....im aware that im rambling and that none of these points really flow together. i dont care, im just typing, later ill make sense of what's going on with me today. as you know God, im a slow processor-much to my annoyance. ;)

alright, it's time to pack up, run errands and head to the Ville. Home sweet home is calling my name....cant wait to spend time with my family and celebrate You.

                                      

 
<3
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